Biopsy Taken Successfully

Anesthesia is one of God's gifts.  Yesterday morning (12/30/2011) I was in the operating room looking around at the doctors and the equipment, waiting for things to get started.  The very next second I was lying dazed in the recovery room.  The procedure had taken 1 1/2 hours, but for me, the 90 minutes was a breath of time.

My physician said she had taken 4 or 5 samples from the trouble spot and was satisfied she had a representative sample.  A pathologist in the room issued his preliminary report; the samples appeared free of cancer.  

This is a preliminary report.  Each sample will be more closely examined and the official findings will be issued next week some time.  It's a little early to be shouting "Hip, Hip, Hooray!", but it's not too early to thank God for His wondrous care.

Thank you, Papa, for the bright street light.  Life had begun to darken a bit.

JRM

Learn to Worship From the Birds

It's Christmas morning.  I could not sleep in.  I have never been able to sleep in on Christmas.  There is too much going on and I don't want to miss it.  I am glad I got up early,  because outside my window was an Avian Christmas Worship. The birds worshiped with their song and their dance.

Morning sun and cloud shadow dramatically lit my front yard stage.  Songbirds provided the music.  The dancers were flittering, twittering, fluffing feathers, strutting their stuff...  They sang.  They danced.  They worshiped.  And God enjoyed Himself.  So did I.

The big woodpecker with the red racing stripe came to show off.  The titmouse and his family dropped in.  The finches were here. Mr. and Mrs. Cardinal, always attentive to each other, danced a duet.  The grosbeak clan did not want to be left out.  The chickadees showed off their wardrobe.  They certainly know how to make plain grey and black shine like a rainbow.  The old screech owl who lives across the street flew by and laughed as he scared the other birds.  They all knew it was Christmas Day.  It was special.

They danced in the presence of their Creator.  Jesus is always present in their reality.  They know not His absence.  Christmas Day celebrates the Presence of Jesus.  The birds had to worship.  They could not help themselves.

Their worship touched my soul.  The birds reminded me to worship freely.  I need to worship with all of my lifeforce and hold nothing back.  I need to sing and fly as I worship.  If I can relax and get my worship on, maybe I can give God as much glory as these birds have given.

Glory to God, The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit,
as it was in the beginning, and is now, and evermore shalt be, world without end.
So be it.  Amen!

Some Christmas Musings

Some Christmas Musings
1.  In his humanity, Jesus needed our ministry.  A mother, a father, a family were essential to him.
2.  When we come to the manger we gaze on God in flesh.
3.  "Mary, May I hold him?"  This is definitely something I would say.  Maybe you would too.  Do you think Mary would let me pick up the Child?  I would love to kiss his head, to hold him close, put my nose on his neck and breathe in the baby essence.  I want to rock him gently, and sing to him.
4.  Mary is not the only person who ponders these things in her heart.
5.  This is sad, but true.  We cannot separate the cradle from the cross.
6.  I'm glad he came.

Merry Christmas, Everyone

Why Have You Been So Public About Such a Private Illness?

Since this was posted on August 1st you have visited with us almost 3,000 times.  You have read my wordy meanderings and you've been very sweet with your comments.  Thank you.


Most people have not taken the time to read the back posts.  In my first post I state the purposes for the blog.  I hope that these purposes are being fulfilled.


Merry Christmas Everyone.  Enjoy some blessedness.  Its time to get your Celebration on!
*********
Purpose One: The show of support from my friends and family has been overwhelming.  Now, I have so many people who need to stay updated as to my treatment and progress that it would take me days to send each one a personal message. This blog provides me a way to keep everyone posted and to allow them to drop Susan and me a line from time to time.

Purpose Two:  Hearing the words, "You have cancer," replaces swagger with stagger.  For me, it split me down the middle with my mind acknowledging the diagnosis while my heart was in full emotional denial.  It took me three days before my mind and emotions came together and that was a bad day for me.  People with cancer need support and maybe, in some small way, this blog will help somebody, somewhere to deal with their disease.

Deep Dark Depression? NO WAY!

On Dec 30 we will try again for a biopsy of the hot spot.

We're using a trans-bronchial approach.  That sounds like fun.  Down the bronchial passage with an air tube, an ultrasound wand, and a needle.  Through the bronchial wall and into the node.  Simple.  The physician says there is almost a sure chance of a successful biopsy.  Yay!  (and praise God for anesthesia!)

While we wait, we are celebrating Christmas.  We are enjoying it a lot!  Feasts, visits, ministry, candles, greenery, family, and Christmas Mystery.

A preacher friend of mine is preaching on Christmas Day a sermon titled If This Were Your Last Christmas.  He asked me and others to tell him how we would celebrate Christmas differently if we knew it was the last one for us.  I am going to share with you my answer to him.

But before I do... I want to tell you that I do not believe this is my last Christmas here.  I plan on many more years eating sausage balls from Susan's oven, snacking on bowls of Holiday Tidbits, and watching sappy Christmas movies.  (Ralphie, Jimmy Stewart, and  Natalie Wood are my favorite Christmas actors.)  I want to go caroling for 30 more years.  I want to worship in churches dressed green and lit with candles for decades to come.  And I want to wear out many more Santa hats while ministering to people during Christmas's yet to come.  I am not despondent.  I am not singing the HeeHaw song about "...deep dark depression, excessive misery."

I am Happy...  Joyful...  Hopeful...  In Love With Life and my Wife...   God Loves me and I love Him...  And I plan on getting even better than all this.

Here is my answer to my preacher friend.  I would love to hear from you about how you would do Christmas different if this were your last Christmas.  Leave a comment or write me direct.


On My Last Christmas I Will...
Have Friends over for Christmas Eve Celebray 


Worship on Christmas Morning, yay! 


Keep Family close on Christmas Day


Meditate on the manger and pray


Celebrate Christmas and play


 Let the future hold what it may


I'm going to live in the Day


This will Fear and Anxiety slay!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

May all of God's best

bless you and yours

this Christmas Season.

I May Overflow on You

Today we attempted to biopsy a new hot spot in my body.  The spot was in a difficult area and we were not able to get a needle biopsy.  I don't know what is the next step.  I'll be discussing  that with my oncologist.

Considering the aggravation described in my last post, I  feel remarkably calm right now.  Even though we weren't successful, we tried.  We did what we could.  My medical team will find another way to get the biopsy.  I'm not worried.

In the meantime I plan to enjoy this Christmas Season.  I will recharge my Advent Quotient.  This is when I fill up with Hope, Peace, Joy, and Love.  I plan on overfilling.  Then I can overflow on you.  But don't worry, that will be a good thing.

I hope to see you soon.

Aggravation

On Monday the 12th, physicians will attempt a needle biopsy on a new hot spot.  This spot is behind the collarbone and will be difficult to reach.  However, we could see it with the ultrasound.  We'll see how it turns out.

I need a good tissue sample from the biopsy.
I want the tissue sample to be clean.

Good sample and clean sample will mean I'll move on to surgery.

Do I have any great spiritual truths to share with you because of all this?  Not really.  To be honest with you I'm a little aggravated at the entire process.  But I do want to meditate for a moment on a great big word.  The word is BUT.

I'm aggravated, BUT I will continue to take medical advice and follow through on treatments.
I'm aggravated, BUT I will continue to trust God.
I'm aggravated, BUT I will not allow my aggravation to move me into rebellion.
And most importantly, I'm aggravated BUT I am still wrapped up in Papa's love.

Papa puts up with my little fits and helps me get over the pouts.

This is as spiritual as I can get this morning.

Sorry.

Am I Crazy or a Mean Old Man?

Radiation and chemo are finished for now.  I feel great.  For so long surgery has been what separates me from being in treatment and being a survivor.  But surgery has been delayed.

My last PET scan shows a new 'hot' spot.  There is no sense in doing surgery until we can determine what is that 'hot spot'.  This morning I am sitting in yet another physician's office waiting for a procedure that may give us the answer.

I am juggling too many "IF's".  There is too much uncertainty.  I am having trouble dealing with it.
    "If they can do a biopsy..."
    "If the biopsy is a good representation of the surrounding tissue..."
    "If the biopsy is clear..."

Why am I feeling so impatient at this change in schedule?   Because it is MY schedule that has been changed.  Because it is MY expectations that have not been met.

Why am I cross when I am called to juggle numerous possibilities?  Because I feel the possibility should be a known fact and that I should know the outcome.

It is terribly unflattering to realize that my impatience and cross-ness is symtomatic of an ego problem.  This delay in schedule is another reminder that I have no control over events and circumstances, and I really like being in control.

I cannot control events and circumstances, but I can control my reactions to them.  My impatience and cross nature point to a second problem I have.  It seems that either I am not in control of my reactions  OR  I have chosen impatience and crossness as a desired reaction.

Wow!  This means I am either crazy or I am a mean old man.

I'm not crazy.  Really,  I'm not.

When I grow up, I want to be a neat old man.  This is an honorable life goal.  My current crossness is getting in the way of achieving a life goal.  It has to go.

It is going to take a bit of effort to rid myself of this negative tendancy.  I may be a bit short with people as I deal with it.  I am asking for your forgiveness in advance.

Bear with me.   Bear with The Bear.  I'll get better.  I promise.

I'll not focus on the uncontrollable and begin to focus on reality.  Here is reality.
God knows what is going on.
God knows me.
God has an eternal purpose for me.
I can trust God.

This will keep me from going crazy.  This will allow me to grow up and be a neat old man.

How cool is that?
(Way cool!)

PS...  The final outcome has not happened.  There was no biopsy done today.  I have to wait until next Thursday.  There was a medicine I should not have taken.  (Sigh...)