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| This is not The Rebel Yell |
In those days Kings Dominion was
subtitled "Lion Country Safari".
Their wooden coaster, The Rebel Yell, was extremely popular, just like
it is today. We rode The Rebel Yell and
saw a team of people who never got off the ride. They stayed aboard and rode again, and again,
and again. This team was trying to set a
world's record for continually riding a
roller coaster.
I thought to myself at the time,
"I love roller coasters, but I would never like to live on one."
30 years or so later I find myself
doing exactly that, and roller coaster life exacts a price.
I call it roller coaster life
because in the 11 months since I was diagnosed I have had tremendous lows,
followed by rapid highs, followed by high speed direction changes, and then
more highs and lows. This has been
constant.
One doctor says, "You might
have some bands that need stretching in the esophagus. Let's get it checked out."
A few days later another doctor
says, "John, you have cancer."
One doctor says, "You have
pneumonia. We will put you on
antibiotics."
A few days later another doctor
says, "This is not pneumonia. You
have a blood clot in your lung and it is life threatening."
After my Sunday morning run to the
emergency room the Doctor said, "The blockage and blood in your esophagus
was from your tumor. It had died and was
swelling up as it decayed. But I was
able to remove it and you are now slick as a whistle."
It was not long after that another
doctor said, "It appears you have another lymph node affected. If it is cancer we will not be able to
proceed with the surgery."
A few days later still another
doctor said, "The biopsy was negative.
The lymph node was not cancerous."
Do you begin to understand life on
the roller coaster?
Now add to that the constant visits
to doctors, the side effects of the chemo, the changes in my body, and having
to re-learn something as simple as eating.
Before my cancer I had never had an operation; I still have my tonsils
and appendix. In the last 11 months I
have had 4 or 5 surgeries. (Yes, you can
lose track.) Every post-operative scan
is another opportunity to find out my cancer has re-occurred.
Even when called a survivor, this
kind of living will mess with your head.
Your emotions never have a chance to come to grips with the new
reality. It is uncomfortable and, to be
honest, it hurts.
I am in a position to be an
encouragement to others. I have been
given a special opportunity by God.
However, I often feel like I am unable to accomplish my mission. I am not the only person in my
situation to feel this way. Writing of
his desire to offer encouragement after his cancer treatments, Craig McConnell
shares these thoughts. "(It would
be) Evidence that "I'm back… a contributor, a participant, a valued or
needed/appreciated "producer". It would’ve been an honest and
vulnerable inspiration, a vehicle for God to call His people to fuller
consecration and deeper worship.
I can’t do it. It can’t be done. I’m
fried.
It is hard being weak, limited… on
the bench… non-productive, beached (or is it “Shipwrecked”?)." By Craig McConnell from
http://www.ransomedheart.com/blogs/craig/limitations
These are not uncommon reactions to
cancer treatment. Even cancer survivors
can go through periods of depression.
My words today are for those in
cancer treatment. Your feelings are
common. Your own roller coaster life
exacts a price. Find someone to talk to
and do not be afraid to seek out professional help.
My words today are for those who are
close to someone in cancer treatment.
You may not totally understand all that is going on in their head, but
you can now appreciate their struggle with their new reality. Cut them a little slack. Pray for them regularly. Be a friend.
Today's post has been difficult to write. It has called for an uncomfortable amount of
openness. I do not like being
uncomfortable. However, if people are to
be helped and encouraged by my journey, I must be open and honest. My prayer is that someone, somewhere will be
helped in a small way by these words.
JRM
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From www.livestrong.org An article lists many changes to your life
that can be difficult to accept.
Cancer can bring many changes to
your life that can be difficult to accept such as the following:
- Changes in physical abilities
- Changes in appearance or body image
- Changes in self-esteem
- Fear of death
- Fear of your cancer coming back
- Interruption of future plans
- Financial problems
- Problems with relationships
- Fear of having to depend on others
*********
From www.livestrong.org an article
lists reasons why some cancer survivors experience grief because of loss.
Physical losses:
- A body function
- Changes in the ability to have sex
- Lessened strength or energy
- An ability or skill to perform
certain activities
- Physical comfort
- Fertility
- Bodily changes such as a scar or
amputation
Emotional losses:
- Sense of security and predictability
such as in health and in the future
- Sense of control or independence
- Self-esteem or sense of identity
- Self-confidence
- Body image
- Goals, hopes or dreams
- Faith or spirituality
- Habits, such as changes in daily
routines, or life “the way it used to be”
Social and relationship losses:
- Relationships with friends, family
members or co-workers
- Sexual relationships
- Ability to have own biological child
- Loss of certain roles such as
providing for the family
- Loss of other cancer survivors
Financial losses:
- Career or job opportunities
- Financial security
- Insurance
- Ability to work
Amy
Dodson
