More Information Than Motivation

I have been taken off my diabetes med.  Yesterday, my blood pressure meds were reduced.  Losing 65 lbs has its benefits.   But I do not recommend my diet.

I went in to my radiation clinic yesterday.  (By the way, Dr. Walsh and his staff at Mid Rivers Cancer Center are top notch.)  Dr. Walsh wanted to see me before my treatment.  My BP was low.  Too low to ignore.  Pulse was weak.  Heart sounds were muffled.    He sent me to the ER in Tappahannock to have some work done to determine the cause.

One infusion, 5 nurses, one Echo Cardiogram specialist, 3 tests,  a cardiologist, and a ER doctor later I was told I have a healthy heart, an amazing capacity to withstand low BP, and to cut in half a particular med.

Except for the cancer, I have a clean bill of health.

So, how can you pray this week?
1) I am battling nausea and fatigue.
2) I dearly want to see the church this Sunday.  I have a message to share straight from my heart.
3) We made it through the hurricane unscathed.  Thank God for that.
4) I have had two friends come through some some serious medical stuff this week.  Praise God for that.

I'm sorry this post is more informational than motivational.  But that will happen from time to time.

May God bless you and yours with all of His best.

Wildfires, Earthquakes, and Hurricanes

In the last week my area has suffered from the smoke from a wildfire located over 100 miles away.  On Monday we had an earthquake.  And tonight we know a hurricane is coming and everyone is wondering what kind of damage we will sustain.

When facing life's uncertainties it's easy to stress out.  What if we get flooded...   What if the power goes out...   What if a tree falls on my car...   What if Wanda the Wicked Witch is blown from Oz to my neighborhood...

I do not wish to make light of our concerns.  My intention is to draw attention to what I call the WhatIf Disease. WhatIf Disease kidnaps us from "The Land of Present Reality" to the "Land of Maybe and Could Be".

The Land of Maybe and Could Be is a very strange place where concerns become fears and daydreams become nightmares.  In this land, we think of a bad possibility and it takes on the power haunt our days, interrupt our nights, and replace our faith with fear.  This is a place from which we need to be rescued, because we have been kidnapped and restrained.

The Land of Present Reality is much more enjoyable.  Yes, there are some trials that I would rather not be going through, but there are also blessings galore, fellowship, and Papa's Presence.  In The Land of Present Reality Papa is with me.  He walks with me.  He carries my load.  And I know His joy.  He gives me His peace.

Do not be deceived in thinking The Land of Maybe and Could Be is a myth.  It is very real and very evil.  However, The Land of Present Reality has a much stronger reality.  It has an all powerful King who watches out for those who are his.  It is a land where I can love and be loved.  It is a land where I may have cancer, but cancer will never have me.

Here are two sets of wise, holy words that speak to The Land of Present Reality.  We do well to remember them.


"For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His."  (The Chronicles of the Kings, part 2-  Chapter 16, verse 9)


"And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age."  (Words of Jesus, the Christ)

A Repost

1,111 hits in less than a month.  (Father, please use this blog to bless and encourage)  I have looked at the page hits and many have not seen the first posts.  What follows is the very first blog we posted.  I thought it was worth a repeat.
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The purpose of this blog

Purpose One: The show of support from my friends and family has been overwhelming.  Now, I have so many people who need to stay updated as to my treatment and progress that it would take me days to send each one a personal message. This blog provides me a way to keep everyone posted and to allow them to drop Susan and me a line from time to time.

Purpose Two:  Hearing the words, "You have cancer," replaces swagger with stagger.  For me, it split me down the middle with my mind acknowledging the diagnosis while my heart was in full emotional denial.  It took me three days before my mind and emotions came together and that was a bad day for me.  People with cancer need support and maybe, in some small way, this blog will help somebody, somewhere to deal with their disease.

Keep up the good work

Susan and I were at a friend's house last night watching a certain Texas team lose a football game.  :)  I had just eaten some supper.  Susan smiled and said, "You have eaten more today than I have seen you eat in weeks.  That makes me happy."

I replied, "You know... I posted a prayer request about my eating just two days ago.  Today is an answer to those prayers."

Look at yourself.  You prayed and God answered.  God allowed you to become a part of one of his acts of love.  I hope you understand just how wonderful that is.  You said, in essence, "God use my prayer.  Please use me."

And what did God do?   He took you at your word and used you.  Wow!  Good job!  Keep up the good work and see what other blessings God has for you this week.

Prayer Requests

#1  Having trouble eating.  Dropping weight too fast.  You know I'm a big man, but I'm down 60 lbs since Lent. I lost 40 the right way.  The other 20 has fallen of since my July 18th diagnosis.  I'm trying to eat more and I'm supplementing with Glucerna.  We'll see what happens, but I need some prayer cover on this.

#2  I have a persistent cough.   I can't do any deep breathing.  And I need good pulmonary function for recovery after surgery.

Result of these two problems is weakness.  I don't want to get any weaker.  My numbers have to be good when i go in for my next chemo infusion.

Can you help out this old buzzard and cover these with prayer?

Living in the Moment

Wow!   Almost 900 hits to this blog in its short 10 day life.  Thank you for caring enough to keep coming back.

I prefer to read about someone who is wrestling with real difficulties and so I have included a few of my own wrestling matches.  I don't want a bog that is all sweetness and light.  Too much sugar is bad for everyone.  On the other hand, I don't want a blog that is nothing but a list of complaints.  That gets old, real quick.

So, I am trying to strike a balance.  And I don't think I have found it yet.  But hang with me.  I'll find it sooner or later.  In the meantime, I'll continue to keep you updated as to what is going on and will occasionally post a personal observation.

Radiation therapy is what's happening now.  5 days a week.  For the next 7 weeks.
On the 29th, another week of chemo therapy.  Yay!  (NOT!)

There are more details I could throw in, but to tell you the truth,   I try not to dwell on them.  Today's concerns are plenty.  I can't allow my self to get caught up in the tommorows.  That will infect me with the "What-if" disease.  I already have a disease, thank you very much.  I don't need another.  Some of my cancer surviving friends call this "Living in the Moment".  It's the correct way to deal with this.

Sandpaper in the Johnny House

If you ever find yourself in a Johnny House and see some sandpaper, please be advised it is not there for your personal hygiene.

Johnny House seats often become rough and develop splinters.  The sandpaper is there to smooth these out.  The sandpaper makes the seat usable again.

Sometimes your kind words are like healing oil.  Other times they are like sandpaper.  Please... do not be offended.  You can never predict the way Papa will use your words.  But you can rest easy that they will be used for welfare and not for evil.  The result will be a return to usefulness and that is good.  In fact, that is very good.

I have had some rough spots and some splinters.  I have had sandpaper applied and then healing oil.  I'm better for it.  Papa knows how to use your words.  They will be healing oil and they will be sandpaper.  whatever he knows is needed at the time.  You simply need to be faithful in speaking, praying, doing... Thank you for your kindnesses.

Here are some deeply spiritual words that speak to your actions, "Think how you have instructed many, how you have strengthened feeble hands.  Your words have supported those who stumbled; you have strengthened faltering knees."     (From the Book of Job.  Chapter 4:3-4)


You are some pretty neat people.  You really are.  Streetlights... everyone of you.
(Folks at Daily strength.  You sanded over some rough spots.  Thank you)

A Visit With the Surgeon

We visited the surgeon yesterday.  It was a little scary and a lot sobering.  But surgery is at least 2 mos away and I will worry about that when it comes.  In the meantime, my plan is still intact.  One day, one procedure, one Doctor at at time until I am cancer free.

Am I ostriching?   No way.  I am aware of what is going on.  I have simply chosen to concern myself only with today's troubles.  Here are some holy words that speak to this:

Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

“And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are.  And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’  These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.  Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. 

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today."  
(Excerpted from The Sermon on the Mount, Matthew's Gospel, chapter 6, New Living Translation)

(Ostriching:  from the verb "to ostrich"-   putting your head in the sand so that you can ignore your problems.  This action also requires your butt in the air decorated with a sign that says "kickme")

Buzzards Are Beautiful

Look up in the sky.  Watch the buzzards windsail.  Smooth, effortless flight.  Groups of buzzards gather and form an aerial ballet chorus.  They are quite lovely.  I have sat  for hours and enjoyed their soaring dance.

On the ground they continue with their calling to restore beauty to the landscape. I don't want to be be crude but my county has no "roadkill crew".  This is left to the buzzards.  The birds work with dedication.  The birds work efficiently.  The birds work cheap.  Smaller carcasses are often cleaned up in a day.  Large carcasses take just a little longer.  If it were not for these beautiful birds I truly believe our road shoulders would be piled high with putrefying bodies.

What does this have to do with my Streetlamp theme?  Absolutely nothing.  It's just that, in spite of their up close appearance, I find buzzards beautiful.  I know that sometimes I can be an old buzzard.  When I am "the old buzzard", maybe someone will find beauty in me.

Today's Blessings

Today...   a dear sister from church drove me to my radiation treatment

Today...  I received wonderful, care-full attention from the staff of my radiation oncologist.  (Always true of these guys)

Today...  I awoke refreshed after a good night's sleep

Today...  I had a cup of coffee.  A rarity these days.  Loved it.  Been missing it

Today...  my wife kissed me and told me she loved me; and she meant it

There are more I could list, but I think you get the picture

These belong to today.  Tomorrow's blessings will be just as numerous and full.

These blessings are the light from the streetlamps.  They prove I'm still in Papa's radiance.

Radiation Therapy Needs a Prayer Cover

1st treatment today.  Phasers were set on KILL.  But there is a problem we are having that you can cover with prayer.

My radiation oncologist wants to do a specialized type of therapy that will significantly cut back on radiation amounts to my non-cancer areas.  But my insurance company does not want to approve this specialized treatment.  They say that traditional radiation therapy is what is called for right now.

That's enough info for your prayers.  Pray that the insurance disagreement will be resolved and that I will receive the best therapy for my cancer.

FYI-  I'm glad the radiation has started.  It is good to know that all weapons are armed, aimed, and engaged.

A Good Meal

Last night a friend brought over some eggplant casserole.  We invited her to stay for supper and the three of us enjoyed food and fellowship.  That was the first "meal" I have had in a while and it was good.  Today for lunch I had leftovers and it was very good.

I stepped on the scales this morning and grinned.

Through sweat and tears I had lost 40 pounds prior to my diagnosis.  Since then I've lost another 13 lbs.   That's too much.  It's not all fat that has gone.  I've lost some strength as well.   I'm trying to supplement my fibers and proteins as best I can but an obstructed esophagus and chemotherapy have been problematic to eating well.  I need strength to fight.

I stepped on the scales this morning and grinned.  My weight was up 1.4 lbs.  Never before have I been happy over a weight gain.  That means this morning was exceptional.

Thank every one of you for your prayers.  You offer them to God.  God gives them substance.  In fact, I can see your prayers.  They look like the light coming from a streetlamp.

Update

Susan and I were on our way to my first radiation treatment when the clinic called with a reschedule.  I've been wanting to get  this part of the treatment started.  I have wanted to see all the guns and cannons firing against this enemy of mine.  To tell you the truth I was a bit aggravated at this change in MY schedule.

But, I quickly got over my aggravation.  Wednesday at 4 will be my first treatment now.  This will augment the first round of chemo I received last week. I believe that Wed will be the perfect day to begin radiation.  Evidently, so does my Papa.  I'm in good hands.

I'm still in the light.

One Day At A Time

When I think too far ahead I get confused.  I look beyond the streetlights in front of me and the shadows are too deep, too dark.  For me it's best to take one step at a time.  Moving from street light to street light keeps me in the light.  I need to remain in the light.

One day at a time. One Doctor at a time.  One treatment at a time.  One side effect at a time.  Then, one day, it will be all over and I'll be cancer free.  That's my plan and I'm sticking to it.

Plans can be street lights, too.

An Update

The chem-pump was removed yesterday afternoon.  I had thought there would be an immediate, magical relief from the weakness and queasy stomach.  I was wrong.  I'm getting good at being wrong.

Since Wednesday, afternoons have been when I suffered the most.  The afternoon drive to Newport News was an interesting game of "Keep It Down".  We stopped by mom's on the way back and I immediately fell asleep for an hour or so.  It was just what I needed.  Praise God for Moms.  They are Street Lights, too.

God has given me one street light that is strong and tall, casting a pure bright light all around me, light so strong it warms me.  Susan is that one street light always with me.  Always protecting me.  Always loving me.  She is Amazon Warrior Woman as far as my welfare is concerned;  don't make the mistake of getting in her way.

Take a moment and think of those who are your street lights.  And be very thankful.

Encouragement Abounds

This morning I received a encouraging note from an internationally known television star.  A beautiful lady, inside and out, she wanted me to know I am not alone.  I know she and her family will keep us in their prayers as we have prayed for her and hers.  She probably does not know she is a streetlight, but she is.

You are standing tall, Catherine G.  Thanks for sending some light.

Treatment Update

I finish my first week of chemo tomor.  I'll be off for 3 weeks before the next rotation.
Radiation therapy begins Monday with 5 treatments a week for 3 or 4 weeks.

Thank you for your prayers and continued concern.

The Hummingbird Tree

Our Street Lights sometimes take an unconventional form.

There is a magical tree in my back yard.  It sits close to the house and keeps us cool during the summer.  It does something special every spring.  Every March/April it makes hummingbirds.  At first, only one or two.  But faster and faster the tree makes hummingbirds until this time of year when the air is full of these crazy, funny birds.

I don't know why the tree makes the birds, but I like to think it's for my and Susan's enjoyment.

Hummingbirds cheep, chirp, warble, and fuss.  Their favorite activity is fighting.  They love to chase each other from the sugarwater feeders and take each other's place.  They appear to be quite aggressive but I have never seen any of them get hurt.  And although I have had them fly within inches of my head, I've never been nailed.

They live in the Hummingbird Tree and at first light they are out doing hummingbird stuff and dancing hummingbird dances.  They are there for us all day, everyday, and I praise God for that.

The Hummingbird Tree is a Street Light.  It doesn't steer me to the correct treatment or highlight the recovery that will be mine.  It simply gives me a magical joy to be able to watch these birds and know they are sent for me.  It lights up those little things that make life joyful and allows me to have a little fun.

"The Secure Baby" Why that picture for your profile page?

You might have already guessed that the baby represents me.  I'm not strong enough to make it on my own.  However, I have a broad base of support.  The hands that hold the baby are going to stand with that baby until it can go out on its own.  That's the way I see my support base.

I have a family who have taken on my fight as their own.  Susan (wife) has been with me every step of the way.  Susan, Scott, Megan, Jessie, and Drew I love you always.  I always love you more.

Lois (mom) is the world's greatest prayer warrior.  She has been covering the family with prayer from the very beginning.  I love you, Mom.

AJ (grandson) I want to see you grow up into a fine young man.  I want to be a part of your life.  Thank you for giving me wonderful things to look forward to.

I have a great medical team headed up by a Gastro-Intestinal Oncologist.  His medical care staff is quite wonderful.  Every one of them is a concerned, highly-trained caregiver.  I am always encouraged when I am around them.

I'm not going to leave God out.  I'm just saving the best for last.  Those are His hands under me in the picture.  I have a large team of prayer warriors.  I have total strangers praying for me.  And this blog got a hit from Germany yesterday.  God is active in my life.  This Spiritual Support Team is my gift from Him.

Look at the picture one more time.  Does the baby lack anything?  Is the baby losing any sleep?  Here's my prayer, that the reality of my faith in Father God might match the faith of that little tiny baby.

Will You Hear My Confession?

My 'Evil Twin' imagination went crazy wild after I heard the words, "You have cancer."  It did not take a week before a pain in my side wasn't gas; it was a tumor.  The dry cough I was getting was not due to phlegm; it was caused by lung cancer.  Even if there were no symptoms at all I was convinced I was growing numerous cancers in parts of my body.

Even worse, I held these anxieties in silence and put on a stiff upper lip.  In fact, all of me was stiff with the tension of fear.  I have grabbed hold of the fear, played with it, and it grabbed back with a grip from Hell.  In fact, Hell gripped me so hard it buried my fears deeply enough that I was not conscious of them.

It's one thing to have concerns.  Some of these concerns will even be fearful.  But it is quite another to bury the fear, fertilize it, and let it grow.  I did not confess these fears to God or to Susan.  And that is SIN.

Here's how God handled my sin.  On Friday I had a PET Scan in the morning, a chemo port implanted in my chest in the afternoon, and an appointment with my oncologist after that.  By then, he had the PET pictures.  One of the first things he told Susan and me was that only the esophagus was affected.  Brain, throat, lungs, liver colon were all clear.  Even the prostate was absolutely normal.  Susan was in the air happy.  I was glad.

The next morning I was in the shower and God told me I should have been more than glad.  I don't hear God's voice very often so I paid attention.  I repented.  I was glad for the sound of the shower to hide my weeping.  After that, I was still sobbing for the pure joy of the emotional release.  Fear was evicted by order of great God almighty. Yes, I still have a cancer, but only one.

That's my confession.  I have already done my penance.  I walk now in the Streetlight of God's grace.

I have feeling there will be more manifestations of His grace to me and my family in coming days and weeks.

Why did you title your blog "Streetlights"?

I cannot see the big picture.  It is like I am walking down a dark road at night.  There are streetlights shining their circles of light in the darkness ahead.  I cannot see well enough to look to road's end, but I can see well enough to move from streetlight to streetlight.

I have moved from symptoms to diagnosis.  From diagnosis to preliminary activities.  From the preliminaries to treatment.  Can you see me moving from streetlight to streetlight?  Please notice that I am staying in the light. That's where you will find me.  I have no intention on wandering out in the dark.

There are some wonderful, grace-filled words that describe this kind of a journey.  Allow me to share them with you.  "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path."


My experience is that God is giving me enough light for my feet.  He is allowing me to see that there is light for me ahead.  But I will have to move from streetlamp to streetlamp.  That is enough.  For me to know that God is with me is enough.  For me to be given the gift of light is enough.

This blog will chronicle those circles of light on my dark road.  My "Streetlights".

The purpose of this blog

Purpose One: The show of support from my friends and family has been overwhelming.  Now, I have so many people who need to stay updated as to my treatment and progress that it would take me days to send each one a personal message. This blog provides me a way to keep everyone posted and to allow them to drop Susan and me a line from time to time.

Purpose Two:  Hearing the words, "You have cancer," replaces swagger with stagger.  For me, it split me down the middle with my mind acknowledging the diagnosis while my heart was in full emotional denial.  It took me three days before my mind and emotions came together and that was a bad day for me.  People with cancer need support and maybe, in some small way, this blog will help somebody, somewhere to deal with their disease.