Will You Hear My Confession?

My 'Evil Twin' imagination went crazy wild after I heard the words, "You have cancer."  It did not take a week before a pain in my side wasn't gas; it was a tumor.  The dry cough I was getting was not due to phlegm; it was caused by lung cancer.  Even if there were no symptoms at all I was convinced I was growing numerous cancers in parts of my body.

Even worse, I held these anxieties in silence and put on a stiff upper lip.  In fact, all of me was stiff with the tension of fear.  I have grabbed hold of the fear, played with it, and it grabbed back with a grip from Hell.  In fact, Hell gripped me so hard it buried my fears deeply enough that I was not conscious of them.

It's one thing to have concerns.  Some of these concerns will even be fearful.  But it is quite another to bury the fear, fertilize it, and let it grow.  I did not confess these fears to God or to Susan.  And that is SIN.

Here's how God handled my sin.  On Friday I had a PET Scan in the morning, a chemo port implanted in my chest in the afternoon, and an appointment with my oncologist after that.  By then, he had the PET pictures.  One of the first things he told Susan and me was that only the esophagus was affected.  Brain, throat, lungs, liver colon were all clear.  Even the prostate was absolutely normal.  Susan was in the air happy.  I was glad.

The next morning I was in the shower and God told me I should have been more than glad.  I don't hear God's voice very often so I paid attention.  I repented.  I was glad for the sound of the shower to hide my weeping.  After that, I was still sobbing for the pure joy of the emotional release.  Fear was evicted by order of great God almighty. Yes, I still have a cancer, but only one.

That's my confession.  I have already done my penance.  I walk now in the Streetlight of God's grace.

I have feeling there will be more manifestations of His grace to me and my family in coming days and weeks.