A Private Comment from a Good Friend

What follows is a private comment to the last post.  The person who sent this is very familiar with health problems, pain, surgery, and trusting God.  I appreciate her comment so much I wanted to share it with you.  The only changes I have made were to make her post anonymous.  Let me know if her wisdom shines a light on you like it does on me.
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Surgery is scary. I have had a zillion and I still get scared. Here are a few things I have learned:

1. Start praying now for your doctor, your surgeon, your anesthesiologist, and most importantly your nursing staff. The nurses are who really make a difference in how you feel before during and after! I found when I prayed for them and I had others praying for them I trusted them more...I guess that seems weird...but I did. Recently I find myself brave enough to tell them and my last team prayed for me with their hands on me. I slipped under with that going on around me...amazin!,

2. Your last question was the hardest one for me. Can I lean on others?   I am lousy lousy lousy at that! I hate asking for help, I hate not being able to do for myself, I hate feeling weak. That has changed some for me in the last two years. My husband was out of town and I had to have a rather painful procedure done and I couldn't be alone. I called a friend from church and she drove me and stayed with me for a while. When she left SHE thanked ME. She said it was an honor to be able to help and that I allowed her to be used by God.  Hmmmm...never thought about it that way. When I give in and ask for help I am not imposing I am giving them the chance to do what they've been wanting to do. It is still hard and I still don't ask when I should...but my attitude is changed.

3. I told you this once before...but I am going to say it again. Do not try to be brave and tough it out. Surgery hurts...quite a bit usually...and they give you pain meds to make it better. You will heal faster if you are not also fighting pain. Take the meds the way they tell you and you won't be addicted...you will heal.

4. Plan to do something special for Susan. Before your surgery,  make sure you have folks around that will support her, who will take her out to dinner, who will load the dishwasher...you know what I mean. Also make sure you let her know how much you appreciate her. Sometimes my husband gets worn out, but he won't tell me. Sometimes Susan will need permission to talk to someone about her fears and her exhaustion...help her find that person if she hasn't already.

Can I Tell You a Secret?

I am a little afraid of my upcoming surgery, actually, more than a little.

My body has never been cut open.  I still have my tonsils and adenoids.  Other than a couple of sew-ups, I am in pristine condition.  If I were an antique, I'd be worth money.  The surgery will remove the affected area of my esophagus and then re-attach my stomach to what remains.  This procedure calls for a 10-14 day hospital recovery, and a time of home recovery as well.

My doctors all say I'll do well, and I probably will.  But no one wants to be invalid, even if it is only for 6-8 weeks.  I don't want to have cancer either and my desire to be cancer free wins out over my fear of surgery with its accompanying invalidism.

There once was a young pastor who had some fears about his ministry.  Paul, the Apostle, wrote these words to him.  "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."   How do I reconcile my own fear about this surgery with this scripture?

1.  Fearful concern cannot be avoided.  Everyone experiences it.  No one should ever beat themselves up over having fearful concern.  It is your reaction to the fear that matters.
2.  In spite of my fear can I still make wise decisions and do the right things?  If so, I am not bound up by what Paul calls a Spirit of Fear.
3.  In the middle of my fearful moments do I see Papa supporting me and walking with me?  Having the knowledge of "God with me" makes all the difference in the world.
4.  Am I able to lean on others?  For me to think I can live a self-sufficient life is idiocy.  My wife, my kids, my family, my church are all there for me and the surgery will be a time for me to rely on them.

I can have a fearful concern and still remain positive in my relationships with family, others, and God.  I can be positive about the outcome and look forward to many years of life, love, and ministry.  I can reach out and grab the hand of Jesus and absolutely know that he will be with me.  After all, he said, "And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”   


Yes, I have some fear, but I am not caught up in a Spirit of Fear.  Instead, I am caught up in heaven sent love.  Love that sheds light on what I am going through and puts my fear in perspective.  This sounds like another Street Light to me.

Good News and Prayer Requests

Phew!  Chemotherapy is finished.  Radiation therapy is finished.  5 weeks with no doctor visits at all.  Yay!

My daughter, Megan, is having our second grandchild towards the end of May.  Yay!

On Nov. 21 I am discussing with my oncologist my surgery schedule.  Removing the previously cancer affected area is the best treatment for someone as young as I am.  :)

If the surgery is done in December,  I can take advantage of my high out of pocket expenses in 2011.  If the surgery is in January my expense limits roll back and the surgery will cost a lot of extra money.

I am not looking forward to the surgery but if gives me a better chance at being cancer free then bring it on. You can help me by praying for a successful surgery in December and a quick recovery.

You, my prayer partners, can be a Street Light shining on me.  You have done well thus far and I appreciate it.  I know that you will continue in prayer for Susan and me.  Thank you.

While you are at it, pray for my daughter and little Aloysius Egbert or Blanche Dorothea.  A prayer cover for them is a good thing.

They need Street Lights, too.


(Like the names?  I made them up and they do not represent the names that Megan and Drew have picked out.)

Another Blessing: They Just Keep Coming

Susan and I are going to be grandparents again in May.

Yay!

Something else to look forward to.  New generation.  Fresh start.  Hope for tomorrow.  Sounds like God-stuff to me.

Another streetlamp shining on us.

Bucket List

To set the record straight I do not like the phrase Bucket List.  It implies my impending death, but I am not dying.  I still have lots of life, love, and ministry in front of me.  However, I still have a Bucket List.  Some items are silly.  Some seem selfish.  But all are serious.
I'm going to share my Bucket List with you.  Items are in no particular order.  My list is a work in progress.  Next year will find the list slightly changed, but that's okay.  I am giving these goals thought and prayer.
1.  I want to baptize all my grandchildren.
In my religious tradition, my grandchildren will not be baptized until they have made a thoughtful decision to follow Jesus and are able to understand the consequences of that decision.  I'll need to be around for the next 5-25 years for this to come to pass.
2.  When I grow up I want to be a neat old man.
   Fun to be around
   Wise
   Sought out
   Role Model
   Wizened by life’s experiences
   Mellowed by God’s grace, mercy, and blessings
   A Man of Faith
I want to be a man who has made a difference in the lives of those around me.
In order for this to happen...
   I must stand ready to stand up and meet the challenges of each day. 
   I must live within God’s Glorious Now.
   I must allow myself to be placed in uncomfortable and painful situations.
   I must trust in God’s grace and His strength.
   I must rely upon my calling as a Christian.
   I must acknowledge my lost battles.
   I must have faith that Christ will be victorious in the war.
   I must be ready to act in Such a Time As This
3.  I want to do motivational speaking and revivals. Not full time, I still want to pastor.  But I would love to get The Word out about how God has touched my life.  Maybe people will see that Papa also wants to touch theirs. I finally have something to say and people tell me they are willing to listen.  (Listen up my preacher friends and denominational leaders; you can help make this happen.)
4.  I want to raise money for cancer research.  When I get on the other side of this cancer and can refer to myself as a survivor, I'll begin with some 5K's in the spring.
5.  I want to author (or co-author) a book that brings hope to cancer victims and their families.  This one will be tough to accomplish.  I don't have the credentials that publishers want in their authors.  Maybe this blog can serve as the skeleton and one of you authors out there could add the body.
6.  I want to own a antique Farmall Cub Tractor.  This is a small tractor with full capabilities.  I want the mower, and front blade.   I'd finally be able to clear the snow from my own driveway (and my neighbors').  Plus, I'd look so cool in the parades driving that bright red tractor decked out with patriotic bunting.  I could take you for a ride on my little red tractor.
7.  I want a motorcycle, a big one with a windshield, full fenders, large tires, and floorboards.  I want the pipes loud enough that when I goose the bike in a tunnel I can feel the power.  I want to ride to the next Thunder in the Hills Rally.  I don't know when I will have a bike.  Discretionary income is an issue. Right now, my medical team is driving my future bike and my little red tractor.
8.  I want this blog to help people cope with their cancer.


That's all for now.  There will be more later.  God will allow some to come to pass.  Others will stand aside in honor of more important items.  I am positive that God will be in the middle of my life and even my bucket list.


By the way, God also has a bucket list.  Would you like to see a part of it?  Here is one bullet.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity."   God to Jeremiah, chapter 29, verses 11-13a
    Plans to prosper you
    Plans not to harm you
    Plans to give you hope
    Plans to give you a future
    Plans to make myself available to you
    Plans to give you freedom


This is a wonderful bucket list. 


Bucket Lists can be Street Lights, especially God's list.  His shines brightly on me and you.

When Life is Pretty Good Sometimes It Gets... Better

This last week has been good news on top of good news, topped off with even more good news.  Let me tell you a secret:  You can have cancer and life still be an exceptional experience.

There is a promise written in scripture that goes like this:


"Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full––pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.” (The words of Jesus as recorded in Luke's Gospel, chapter 6, verse 39, New Living Translation)


I don't pretend to know all about this promise.  For example, God already owns everything.  What can I give to Him?  Another way to put it is, what in the world can I give to God for Christmas that He does not already have?  You talk about having someone who is hard to buy for!

Wait a minute... there is one thing that God may not have...  Me.  Once I give myself to God, warts and all, for Him to use any way He wants, then God goes into blessing mode simply because He loves me.  These blessings may not be what I desire, but they will be exactly what I need at the time.  And sometimes these blessings will be much more than I can imagine.

Here is what this scripture promise looks like as it works in my faith walk.  I have given myself to God.  Sometimes I tried to take back part of my gift and live life my way, but somehow, I always ended up giving myself to God again.

Now, here is what has been happening this week, and it is just Wednesday:
Blessing:  Tumor removed and the pathology report shows the tissue to be cancer free.  Radiation and chemo therapies are doing their job.  Praise the Lord!
Blessing:  I had to buy some smaller pants and found I am down 10 pants sizes.  Yay!
Blessing:  Today I heard from the company that manufactures Lovenox.  They are giving me 3 months worth of medication for free, and there will be a chance that they will pick up the next three months as well.  This gift  is valued at more than $2,000 per month.  How 'bout them apples!  Your prayers on this matter have been dramatically answered.

To me, this sure looks like pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into my lap.


My life is an exceptional experience. What an adventure this is.  Wow!  I like living in the light from the Street Lamps.  Won't you join me?

Two Pieces of Good News

Susan and I received two very good pieces of news today.  Such good news was this that we have been praising God all day.  I'll tell you the lesser good news and then I'll share the greater good news.

Good News the Lesser:  I went to J.C. Penny's this afternoon and bought a couple of pairs of pants. I have dropped 10 waist sizes and I've lost 75 pounds.  40 pounds were lost the good way during Lent and up until Pentecost.  This cancer took the other 35.  But hey, 10 inches smaller is great news.  Don't you think?  And 75 pounds... that's the size of a healthy 5th grader.  When you are sick, you'll take good news anywhere you find it.

Good News the Greater:  8 days ago I was having trouble swallowing.  Actually, I could not swallow and it badly frightened me.  My gastro-enterologist asked me to meet him at the hospital for an upper endoscopy. During this procedure he was to take a look down my throat and see what was happening.  He took one look and decided it was time for the tumor to come out.  You already know that my esophagus is now clean as a whistle, but this is not the Greater Good News.

Susan and I saw my general oncologist this morning.  He told me that what the doctor had removed from my gullet was not a tumor.  This confused me.  "Do you mean he missed the tumor?  I saw the pictures.  Everything is gone."

"Oh, the esophagus is clean.  He missed nothing," the Doctor replied.  "What I mean is that the pathology report shows that there were no cancer cells in the excised tissue.  Your chemo therapy and radiation therapy have been effective.  They have killed the cancer."

Can you imagine the effect of those words on Susan and me?

How should we properly express our joy?

Should we be thankful for skillful physicians who are fighting for my life?  Absolutely!
Should we acknowledge the cause and effect of chemo and radiation therapies on the cancer cells?  You betcha!

Is this enough?  No way!

Here's what I think.  For the rest of my life I need to praise God for the way all this has been orchestrated, and this is what I will do.  When the doctor told me I had cancer, he also had a gastro-intestinal oncologist to whom he could refer me.  When Susan and I were called to minister here on the Northern Neck, little did we know that one of the most skillful radiation oncologists in the state had his practice here.  This is God at work.  He knows my life and my future.  I can trust Him and I will absolutely trust Him.

We have seen God weaving a rich, four dimensional tapestry of welfare towards us. (The Time of my Life is the fourth dimension.)  I am not going to leave God out of my healing process.  I am not going to stop praising God for all he has done.

People of God have a hymnal.  This is a collection of songs that we sing to God as we remember His faithfulness to us.  Most people know it as the Book of Psalms.  Here is a line from one of those songs that I will keep close to my heart for the rest of my life.

Psalm 104:33  I will sing to the LORD all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.


I am not out of the woods, not yet.  I have another 10 radiation treatments to go.  Then there will be an evaluation preceding a new plan of treatment.  I cannot truthfully declare a cure, but I most decidedly declare that I am walking the brightest light since my diagnosis.

I praise God for the street lights of encouraging good news.