Living on the Roller Coaster

This is not The Rebel Yell

In those days Kings Dominion was subtitled "Lion Country Safari".  Their wooden coaster, The Rebel Yell, was extremely popular, just like it is today.  We rode The Rebel Yell and saw a team of people who never got off the ride.  They stayed aboard and rode again, and again, and again.  This team was trying to set a world's record for continually riding a  roller coaster.

I thought to myself at the time, "I love roller coasters, but I would never like to live on one."

30 years or so later I find myself doing exactly that, and roller coaster life exacts a price.

I call it roller coaster life because in the 11 months since I was diagnosed I have had tremendous lows, followed by rapid highs, followed by high speed direction changes, and then more highs and lows.  This has been constant.

One doctor says, "You might have some bands that need stretching in the esophagus.  Let's get it checked out."

A few days later another doctor says, "John, you have cancer."

One doctor says, "You have pneumonia.  We will put you on antibiotics."

A few days later another doctor says, "This is not pneumonia.  You have a blood clot in your lung and it is life threatening."

After my Sunday morning run to the emergency room the Doctor said, "The blockage and blood in your esophagus was from your tumor.  It had died and was swelling up as it decayed.  But I was able to remove it and you are now slick as a whistle."

It was not long after that another doctor said, "It appears you have another lymph node affected.  If it is cancer we will not be able to proceed with the surgery."

A few days later still another doctor said, "The biopsy was negative.  The lymph node was not cancerous."

Do you begin to understand life on the roller coaster?

Now add to that the constant visits to doctors, the side effects of the chemo, the changes in my body, and having to re-learn something as simple as eating.  Before my cancer I had never had an operation; I still have my tonsils and appendix.  In the last 11 months I have had 4 or 5 surgeries.  (Yes, you can lose track.)  Every post-operative scan is another opportunity to find out my cancer has re-occurred.

Even when called a survivor, this kind of living will mess with your head.  Your emotions never have a chance to come to grips with the new reality.  It is uncomfortable and, to be honest, it hurts.

I am in a position to be an encouragement to others.  I have been given a special opportunity by God.  However, I often feel like I am unable to accomplish my mission.  I am not the only person in my situation to feel this way.  Writing of his desire to offer encouragement after his cancer treatments, Craig McConnell shares these thoughts.  "(It would be) Evidence that "I'm back… a contributor, a participant, a valued or needed/appreciated "producer". It would’ve been an honest and vulnerable inspiration, a vehicle for God to call His people to fuller consecration and deeper worship.

I can’t do it. It can’t be done. I’m fried.

It is hard being weak, limited… on the bench… non-productive, beached (or is it “Shipwrecked”?)."   By Craig McConnell from http://www.ransomedheart.com/blogs/craig/limitations

These are not uncommon reactions to cancer treatment.  Even cancer survivors can go through periods of depression.

My words today are for those in cancer treatment.  Your feelings are common.  Your own roller coaster life exacts a price.  Find someone to talk to and do not be afraid to seek out professional help.

My words today are for those who are close to someone in cancer treatment.  You may not totally understand all that is going on in their head, but you can now appreciate their struggle with their new reality.  Cut them a little slack.  Pray for them regularly.  Be a friend.

Today's post has been difficult to write.  It has called for an uncomfortable amount of openness.  I do not like being uncomfortable.  However, if people are to be helped and encouraged by my journey, I must be open and honest.  My prayer is that someone, somewhere will be helped in a small way by these words.

JRM

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From www.livestrong.org   An article lists many changes to your life that can be difficult to accept.

Cancer can bring many changes to your life that can be difficult to accept such as the following:

• Changes in physical abilities
• Changes in appearance or body image
• Changes in self-esteem
• Fear of death
• Fear of your cancer coming back
• Interruption of future plans
• Financial problems
• Problems with relationships
• Fear of having to depend on others

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From www.livestrong.org an article lists reasons why some cancer survivors experience grief because of loss.

Physical losses:

• A body function
• Changes in the ability to have sex
• Lessened strength or energy
• An ability or skill to perform certain activities
• Physical comfort
• Fertility
• Bodily changes such as a scar or amputation

Emotional losses:

• Sense of security and predictability such as in health and in the future
• Sense of control or independence
• Self-esteem or sense of identity
• Self-confidence
• Body image
• Goals, hopes or dreams
• Faith or spirituality
• Habits, such as changes in daily routines, or life “the way it used to be”

Social and relationship losses:

• Relationships with friends, family members or co-workers
• Sexual relationships
• Ability to have own biological child
• Loss of certain roles such as providing for the family
• Loss of other cancer survivors

Financial losses:

• Career or job opportunities
• Financial security
• Insurance
• Ability to work